


will you come and hold my hand now? (i think that you might want to)

by bothsexuals



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, a bunch of nerdy references, cute shit cute shit, it's about the subtle love and support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bothsexuals/pseuds/bothsexuals
Summary: Five times Abed subtly lets Troy know that being gay is okay, and one time he doesn't have to.
Relationships: Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 42
Kudos: 393





	will you come and hold my hand now? (i think that you might want to)

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, I'm still working on my reunion fic, I've just had this in the works since I was on like season one and I thought it was about time I finished it. I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Title from "California Friends" by The Regrettes (a bop).

i. 

“That was cool,” Abed told Troy as they sat on his couch, Troy still slightly sweaty from his dance, but too tired to move, go home, and take a shower, “you’re a really good dancer.” 

“Thanks, man,” Troy said. 

“Why did you keep it a secret?” Abed asked, his brows knit together in confusion. 

“Well, it’s just…” Troy hesitated, a mortified look on his face, “dancing’s kinda… gay, you know?” 

“Not really. Nothing’s really gay, that’s just code for things men are too afraid to do because of their own insecurities, so they project those fears onto others who are more secure than them. If more gay men dance than straight, it’s just because a lot of gay men are less affected by toxic masculinity-” he lifted a finger when he saw Troy’s questioning look “- that’s what Jeff has, I’ll explain later. The point is dancing isn’t gay, it’s cool, and even if it was, that’s not really a big deal. At least to me.” 

“Oh,” Troy mouthed, amazed by his friend’s speech, “I guess you’re right.”

“I am,” Abed replied with a smile.

Troy smiled back, happy he had let Abed see that part of him. 

  


ii. 

“You know,” Abed said, looking at the TV screen where _Return of the Jedi_ was playing, “a lot of people think Luke Skywalker is gay.”

“They do?” Troy asked, trying to make it sound as casual as possible, and not understanding why that was so hard. 

Abed hummed in response, his eyes still fixed on the screen, while Troy stared at his profile. 

“What do you think?” he asked. 

“It’s a cool idea,” Abed said, “and it makes sense. He did flirt with Han a bunch, and also-” he gestured towards the screen “-that outfit.” 

Troy laughed as he watched Luke skywalker do a dramatic backflip to grab his lightsaber in his all-black get-up. “Yeah, no straight man could pull off that outfit,” he agreed. 

Abed hummed again, and they fell back into a comfortable silence, something like hope filling Troy’s heart for some unknown reason.

  


iii.

Abed walked into the study room holding a comically big stack of comic books, which he set down in front of Troy. 

“What’s this?” Troy curiously asked.

“ _Young Avengers_ ,” Abed replied, picking up the one on top and handing it to Troy, “they’re really good.” 

Troy hummed, leafing through it until something caught his eye: a full page drawing of two boys, one with blond hair and one with black hair, holding each other close and kissing. It made his breath falter a little, and he hoped Abed hadn’t noticed.

“That’s Billy and Teddy,” Abed explained, leaning over to point at them, and Troy felt a little dizzy as the wonderful, familiar scent of Abed filled his lungs, “and there’s more.”

He didn’t clarify what he meant there would be more of, but for once Troy didn’t need him to. He nodded slowly, and looked back down at the comic book with a smile, trying to figure out what it might mean that this was something Abed wanted him to read. 

  


iv. 

Troy had made a move to put his arm around Abed’s shoulder, but quickly retracted it when he remembered they were in the cafeteria, and all their friends and almost every other Greendale student was there. He’d seen Abed’s brows narrow, and something in him told him it was disappointment, but something else, something way less hopeful, told him he had simply imagined it. 

He’d almost forgotten about it by the time lunch was over, too busy trying to understand the conspiracy theory about landlines Britta had been explaining to them. 

“You know you can touch me, right?” Abed said, his voice low enough that no one but Troy would hear him while they walked to class. 

“What?” Troy asked. 

“You can touch me,” Abed repeated, “even if we’re around people.” 

“Oh,” Troy said, his brain finally catching up, “I just- I guess I didn’t wanna be weird.” 

“I like when you touch me, way more than when other people do it-” Troy’s heart skipped a beat at that, for some reason “- and you are weird, but not because of that. Because of awesome reasons, like me.” 

Troy smiled, and bumped Abed's shoulder with his- well, he tried to, but given their height difference he just kind of hit his upper arm. 

"I do like being weird with you," he admitted. 

"Me too," Abed replied, smiling as he stared ahead of him, not meeting Troy's eyes no matter how much they searched for his, "I like everything with you." 

"Me too," Troy said with a soft smile, and held Abed's hand the rest of the way.

  


v. 

“Hey guys,” Annie said, happily skipping towards them, “great party, right?” 

“Sure is,” Troy nodded, looking around at the rainbow decorations adorning the room. 

“I do feel a little bad that gay people are idolizing Pierce,” Abed admitted, “I mean, he is kind of a raging homophobe.” 

Annie nodded, considering this. “I guess you’re right. But at least they’re having fun, right?” 

“Yeah, gays throw great parties,” Troy said, and if he sounded a little surprised it was because his whole life he had been taught gays were horrible, perverted deviants, but the attendees that night just seemed like pretty cool people. 

“Gays do all sorts of cool stuff,” Abed said, wagging his finger around, “like rebelling against police brutality, or making great movies.” 

“Huh,” Troy said thoughtfully, while Annie furrowed her brows and asked, “Are those on the same level for you?” 

He missed Abed’s reply, and was only half-listening as Abed listed his favorite LGBT-made movies, too busy thinking about how he might have some things to look up about a certain acronym. 

  


i.

Troy had done his research. Lots of it, actually. What he had found out were some interesting facts about LGBT history- he didn’t get all of it, but he figured he’d just ask Annie for help once he came out to her, which, terrifyingly enough, was now something he planned on doing- and a lot of interesting facts about himself. 

The first thing he had found out was that he was, in fact, gay. Finding that out didn’t feel like a big revelation, like Troy would have expected it to. It just felt like _oh, I guess that makes sense._

The second thing was that apparently those bad opinions about gay people he had were something called internalized homophobia- it took him some time to memorise the words -and they weren’t true, because according to his extensive research and the various hints he now realized Abed had thrown his way, being gay was actually, you know, okay. 

The third thing was that he was in love with Abed. Now, if he hadn’t really been surprised to find out he was gay, he had been even less surprised by this. Realizing he was in love with Abed was like realizing that the missing piece of the puzzle he had looked everywhere for had actually been in his pocket the whole time. It was right there, and it fit perfectly. 

Of course he was in love with Abed- how could he not be? 

How could he not fall in love with the man who could perfectly read his mind, who answered Troy’s questions before he even asked them, who never got annoyed if he had to explain things to him more than once? How could he not fall in love with the man who knew him better than Troy knew himself, who had seen his true self before Troy could, and instead of rushing him, gently guided him on the right path, a path of clarity and self-acceptance?

Of course he was in love with Abed- now that he thought about it, there was no way he couldn’t have been. It had just happened so easily and so inevitably that Troy had forgotten to realize it. 

Thankfully, he had fixed that mistake, and now that he knew, he was determined to let Abed know as well. He was sure about that. He wasn’t worried, really, he knew his friend would accept him and love him no matter what, even if he didn’t feel the same way. He definitely wasn’t fidgeting and anxiously bouncing his leg up and down as he continued to steal glances at Abed, who sat beside him in their pillow fort, eyes fixed on the episode of _Cougar Town_ playing on his laptop.

Okay, maybe he was a little worried. 

“Your worrying is distracting me,” Abed said, pausing the episode and turning towards Troy, “what’s up?” 

Troy considered saying nothing was up, telling himself he just wasn’t ready yet and he’d do it at a better moment. But the truth was he would never be more ready than he was at that moment, so he just had to take a deep breath -which he did- and tell him -okay, now that was a little harder. 

“I gotta- I gotta tell you something, Abed,” he mumbled. 

Abed nodded, and set his laptop aside, clearly sensing that this would be an important conversation. 

“I, uh- I realized some stuff.” 

Abed nodded again, slowly. “Okay,” he said, “what is it?” 

“Well, first of all, I’m-” the word got stuck in his mouth for a second, but Troy closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and breathed it out “-I’m gay.” 

“Cool,” Abed replied, and Troy opened his eyes to find a soft smile plastered on his face, “I figured.” 

Troy nodded, because of course he had, and braced himself for the harder part. 

“That’s not all,” he said, and grabbed Abed’s hand. 

Abed looked him in the eyes deeply, as if he was trying to read the words Troy was about to say before he even said them. Apparently he succeeded, because after a few moments his eyebrows raised and his mouth parted slightly in realization. 

“Oh,” he breathed, “that’s cool too.” 

“It is?” Troy asked, as hopeful as he’d ever been. 

“Yep,” Abed replied, staring down at their joined hands rather than meeting Troy’s eyes, “unless you weren’t going to say that you’re in love with me, in which case-” 

Troy didn’t let him finish the sentence, but instead removed his hand from Abed’s to grab his face with both hands, and pressed his lips to Abed’s. He kissed him for only a second, then pulled away, his heart racing. 

“I am,” he breathlessly said, then frowned, “you’re in love with me too, right?”

“I am,” Abed confirmed, “now kiss me again.” 

Troy did, focusing more on giving Abed a good kiss this time, letting one of his hands tangle in Abed’s hair as the other continued to rest on his cheek, and as he did he thought Abed had been right: gays did do all kinds of cool stuff, but the coolest thing Troy would ever do definitely had to be getting to kiss the man of his dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If you liked this, please leave some kudos and/or a comment because come on, don't you wanna give me a big ol' serotonin boost? I wrote about trobed saying luke skywalker is gay for you!


End file.
